I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
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