hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Randomize