I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
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