It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
