I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
