Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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