dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
