please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
