he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
