He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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