im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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