drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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