You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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