I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
