I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
last night I used snow as a chaser
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
