rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
