is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
