There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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