nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
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