He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
