Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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