I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
