I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Randomize
