You were right. It hurts to walk today.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
