Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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