Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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