so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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