Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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