Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
