i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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