just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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