it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize