How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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