respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
