Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
