I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
