do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
