I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize