it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
