You really coming over, don't trick.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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