I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
