I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize