I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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