this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
