Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize