Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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