He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
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