Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
