ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
