at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
So apparently I’m into choking now
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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