You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
sarcasm needs its own font
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
