I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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