Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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