one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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