what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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