so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
