I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize