i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
