Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
