You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I came so hard my ears popped.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
