I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
