Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
