i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
