And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Randomize
