Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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