I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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