Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Randomize
