Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
