i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
You're like the curious george of whores
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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