Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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