Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
