I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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