well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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