Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize