You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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