i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
