sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
A bitchslap is in order.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
