Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
This is classic penis vs brain.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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