come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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