i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
