my vag is so smooth its legendary
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
