waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
