writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize