Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
