This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
