I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
