He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
