someone get that fucking seahorse.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
