Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
