I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
