Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
