Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
