Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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