There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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