I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
