Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Randomize
