I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
