did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
