for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
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