i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
