its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
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