Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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