i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
