She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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