Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
