I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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