She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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