I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
