i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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