Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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