I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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