the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
