I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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