there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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