I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Do vagina's smell?
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
