im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Randomize
